Stretch Marks, Sagging Breasts, Wide Hips

Many of my friends are having babies, and recently I was talking to one of them about the difficulties women have in dealing with all the changes that our bodies go through during pregnancy and birth. Jeff was explaining how the mother of his baby was talking about her experience as her body was changing, and the things she was worried about. All he said was very familiar as I have heard similar things from many of my close girlfriends, who are worried about their breasts falling, embarrassed by their stretch marks, or depressed about their weight gains or how much their hips widened with birth (to name a few of the complaints). And who wouldn't be? Our society is merciless when it comes to rating women's bodies. It is as if we have bodies not for living, but for the purpose of being evaluated by all others, and that evaluation determines much of our worth and determines much of how we see ourselves and each other. Living in the US we are surrounded by physical appearance pressures, and bombarded with TV shows about how we all need plastic surgery, and how it can make us really "happy!!" -- but it is not just an issue here - during a recent trip to Brazil and Argentina I saw how prevalent plastic surgery and liposuction are there as well.

I remember taking a nutrition course as a freshman in college and this is a class I will never forget for two reasons: 1. it made me fall in love with food and cooking, once I understood the chemistry behind the (healthy) effects of a healthy diet in my body. The #2 reason is because the discussion about nutrition in maternity changed the way I understood pregnancy completely. Turns out that in utero, babies do not nourish primarily from what you eat as you are pregnant - instead they feed and form to a great extent from what already was part of your body to begin with. To better explain, think about the complete skeleton of another human being being formed from the calcium already in your bones - not from the calcium you are eating as you are pregnant. The calcium you eat would have to go through many complex processes to be later absorbed by your body.

That made me understand the incredible sacrifice that there is in motherhood. When women make babies, we really surrender our bodies completely to this process and every layer from the inside out - from the composition of your bones, to your skin - is affected by pregnancy and birth.

Now, if there was a genuine effort to value women and mothers in our society - maybe going through this process, would be something that would earn women respect, love and admiration from their communities. But since this society devalues women's experiences and feminine things - an enlarged belly, saggy belly skin, saggy breasts and stretch marks are not badges of honor that show strength in having a child, nor are they sources of pride (and 'saggy' wouldn't have a negative connotation!). But the fact is, it is totally the opposite; despite all that is physically necessary to complete this process, women are expected to look the same as before, after birth -- "as if nothing happened", when everything happened! -- the goal being to maintain a girly look - and feed the obsession with youth and an almost childlike appearance and weight - that are most desirable today. Small waist, flat stomach, perky breasts, smooth skin, etc. you know, to look like children/teenagers, forever.

The reality of the experience of birth is hidden from our eyes. The images of pregnant women who are skinny and stylish is all we see. TV commercial show skin perfect bellies. Nothing like a picture of my mother who lost all her hair when she was pregnant with me, or had incredibly swollen legs and ankles when she was pregnant with my brother. It was the time when I've seen her look most beautiful but she would not have been fit for a TV commercial - she also had a big dark mark on her cheek caused by hormonal changes.

Imagine telling yourself 'Never dare wear a bikini again'. It may seem like not a huge change if you've never thought about it, but if one thinks seriously about never wearing a piece of clothing that one likes, never again, out of shame for one's appearance - it is a very big issue that speaks loudly about so much of what is going on in one's mind.

Jeff told me about an interesting website called the shape of a mother, where women go and post pictures of their naked bodies during and after pregnancy. I think it is such a wonderful idea, because it helps universalize the experience by exposing something that we almost never see. Maybe if you've never seen someone else's stretch marks you think it's something that can only happen to you, or that yours are the "worst" - right?

Reading through it, I observed how a lot of the stories of the moms I first read were from very young mothers (18-23yrs old). In here women share their birthing stories (and there is so much to learn about birthing, wild!) and there is a blog and a flickr community for the pictures. It's an incredibly courageous idea and so overdue! (the site is only 1yr old).

I also appreciate that it is a resource not just for pregnant women who want to share and compare their experiences (one more way the net helps us fight capitalist alienation! woo hoo!) but also it is a way for us all to learn from, and appreciate real images of real women - and value their experiences.

The pictures here (used without permission) are publicly posted and taken from the flickr community associated with this blog, they are of a 30 week pregnant lady - pregnant with triplets. Then we see her belly after delivery.

I want to dedicate this post to Patty and her new baby Mayte Nicole, who is soo cute and 18 days old.


RU